even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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