My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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