two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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