K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
