it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
