There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
