They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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