I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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