I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He better not be in your backpack
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
