I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
