yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
