Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
