I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
