Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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