White coat. Heels.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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