we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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