so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
