My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
