ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
