forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
