Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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