My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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