I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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