You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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