I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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