The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
