Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
