My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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