life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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