I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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