I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
