i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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