I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
