if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
