I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
