This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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