Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
