We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a hot homeless man
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
3 2 1 whiskey
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
