She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
