I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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