my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh god it's open bar.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
