Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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