My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
