Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
