I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
