I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
