yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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