now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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