my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
