Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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