the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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