make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
